Indecisive 愛
by Midnight x Poker
Summary: SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 44! He didn't know, he just didn't... Neither did she... He found that, right now, as he held her in his arms, he didn't care. ZeroXYuuki


_**"**__...Why...Aren't you moving? ...__**I wouldn't have minded if you had killed me here!"**_

His words echoed around them, breaking the silence that had stretched between the two. Yuuki continued staring down the barrel of the bloody rose, unmoving. Her eyes held the resolution he'd become so familiar with.

The vines that ensnared around his body shifted, the thorns cutting into his skin. That pain... Already, he didn't feel it. He knew he should have. He smelt the salty tang of his own blood as it fell from the small but deep gashes littered across his flesh, but... The pain didn't come. The pain he'd come to depend on was absent... He was a true hunter now. Yet, more. He was a hunter, and one of the hunted. There was no other like him. He didn't feel pain anymore. Someone like him couldn't feel pain. That was what Kuran had said. Those wounds would close over soon enough, the blood the only reminder that they'd ever been.

...He hated it. Why? No physical pain... Yet, he still hurt. As he stood there, doing the one thing he'd told himself he'd never do... Hurt her...

_'No! ...No! It's not her! She said so herself! She's just a parasite now!'_

**'...Then, why doesn't she run?'**

_'She's just a good liar, like the rest of them'_

**'Like you? You're lying too.'**

_'How? How am I lying?'_

**'You're lying to yourself. 'Not her'? Bullshit. That's Yuuki, and you know it. Even if she's a vampire now, you can't deny that that's Yuuki standing before you.'**

_'...Shut up... Just shut up!'_

**'What are you going to do? You can't shoot her. You know you can't. Face it; Kuran was right. You can **_**never**_ **hurt her. You are under her obligation, even now.'**

_'...Yes. Kuran was right. I could never hurt _Yuuki! _That's _not _Yuuki... He destroyed Yuuki... He killed her... This... This thing! It's a fake! However much it may look like Yuuki, that isn't her... Yuuki's gone...'_

His internal debate ceased, his hand tightening around the cold metal clasped in his hand. His arm shook, and not from the weight of the gun. No matter how much he told himself that the person stood before him wasn't Yuuki, wasn't _his_ Yuuki, he still couldn't pull the trigger. A trickle of sweat ran down his face, his jaw clenching as he told himself again and again to just end it. To just pull the trigger. Then, turn the gun on himself. Despite himself, his thoughts filled with what happened last time he'd tried that.

The look on her face when she'd flung open the door... Brown eyes wide, she'd tackled him to the bed, knocking the gun from his hand. He remembered the feel of her body against his, her beating heart so close. Her wrist was so thin, grasped in one of his hands as he'd flipped them over. Her heartbeat had sped up even more as he loomed over her. He knew she was scared of him then, even more than she had been before. That only firmed his resolve.

He'd been surprised that she'd chased after him when he'd been trying to leave the Academy, pleaded with him to stay. She didn't even hesitate to hug the monster that had attacked her. Yuuki was so unpredictable... He couldn't say no, even though he'd tried. God, he'd tried. He'd decided then that, if she wanted him around, he'd stay.

...Yuuki still wasn't leaving... Did she still want him around? ...Of course not. She had Kuran, though she'd always had him really. Now she had him and all the information she'd so desperately wanted. She had no need for Zero, he was sure. Why should she? What could he possibly give her, the Pureblood Princess?

* * *

_**"**__...Why...Aren't you moving? ...__**I wouldn't have minded if you had killed me here!"**_

Why? Why _wasn't_ she moving? He'd already said; they were enemies now. He was giving her a chance, a chance to run, yet... Here she stood, rooted to the spot, watching Zero as he struggled with himself. His brows were furrowed, his face crumpled as though he was on the verge of tears. She wanted to run to him... To embrace him as she had before... She didn't, though. She knew, as much as she hated the fact, that she was what was hurting him right now. Her very existence hurt him. It was like Shizuka Hiou had once told her; Her decisions always hurt him. Although, in reality, she hadn't _asked_ Kaname to change her. Zero didn't know that though. He'd arrived after all of that. He probably thought she'd asked. That was the feeling she got anyway.

Zero's lips pressed into a thin line, his knuckles white as his fingers clenched on the bloody rose. A knot formed in the pit of Yuuki's stomach. Her survival instinct and her wants were conflicting, part of her needing to run, the other, more dominant part of her wanting to run to _him._ That was what she did. Anything to get rid of that agonized expression on his face.

* * *

His head snapped up as he sensed that she'd moved and heard the artemis rod dropping, and he was surprised when she hit his chest. Hard. The two toppled to the floor as Zero lost his footing, his grip on the gun loosening. It clattered to the floor before becoming the vines once more, and disappeared back to his body.

Yuuki's arms wrapped around his neck tightly. He tensed beneath the embrace, half-expecting to feel a sharp pair of fangs sink into his neck. Without the bloody rose, he felt bare and exposed to her. As if he hadn't already.

Common sense told him to shove her from him, to shout at her, tell her to stay away; He did none of these things. He stayed completely still, not returning the hug but not rejecting it either. He_wanted_ to wrap his arms around her, pat her head like she did to him when he was distressed, tell her it was okay. These are the things he would have done with Yuuki, yet he was still trying to convince himself that she wasn't Yuuki. Trying and failing really. He didn't know what to do. His love for Yuuki and his hate for vampires were battling inside of him, only accomplishing a stalemate. Not forgetting the fact that she was now Kuran's fiance. That fact disgusted him more than anything. She'd said he was her _brother!_ Yet, they were engaged? So...Wrong!

**'You're just jealous. The biggest monster of them all gets her, and you hate him for it'**

_'What part of shut up don't you understand?'_

**'Perhaps she stays with Kuran out of a feeling of obligation?'**

_'...She's always loved Kuran.'_

**'She didn't know the truth then. A lifetime of feelings can change in an instant, given the right circumstances'**

_'What difference does it make? She's his fiance.'_

**'She loves you'**

_'...'_

**'If she didn't, she wouldn't be here. Maybe she doesn't even know it, but she does love you'**

_'...Impossible'_

Zero was surprisingly insecure.

* * *

Her head was buried in his chest, her throat tightening at the not-quite dried blood there. He was still as stone beneath her, unmoving and unresponsive. She was glad that he hadn't pushed her away, like she'd expected, even if he didn't hug her back. She understood. It was hard enough for him to even be around her. She couldn't expect anything more. At least, that's what she told herself. She was more than surprised when he relaxed, slowly resting his chin on her head, placing one arm around her back. It was her turn to freeze then, afraid that if she moved she'd ruin it.

* * *

They stayed like that for some time, neither speaking a word, yet both with enough questions to fill several books. Even when Zero's back grew stiff, and the sun slowly began to rise, they stayed perfectly still. He still didn't understand. He wanted to believe that this was still his Yuuki, yet he was reluctant to believe that she was a vampire now. If this was her, then shouldn't she be with Kuran rather than with him? It didn't make sense. He had to ask.

"...Why?" His voice, having been silent for so long, came out as nothing more than a croak. She shifted beneath him, rising her head to meet his eyes. She was silent for a long time, just staring at him. He'd stopped expecting an answer.

"...I don't know. I...I just had too." She finally replied, voice so low he had to strain his ears to hear it. An unwelcome hope blossomed in his chest, and he tried to force it down.

_'Expectations can only lead to disappointment'_

**'Or, they could all come true and you could stop being miserable'**

_'Again; Shut up'_

He didn't say any more. He just tightened his hold around her, not willing to let that little bit of hope he just couldn't get rid of be proved wrong. As long as he didn't ask questions, he could hope, right? Yuuki had always been an indecisive type, a trait that was endearingly annoying, and he couldn't blame her for it. He was just as indecisive. He was still confused as to whether or not she was who he considered 'his Yuuki'. He still didn't know if his love for her could be disregarded by his hate for vampires. He just didn't know, and neither did she. For now, he was just content to have her in his arms, not knowing.


End file.
